It’s no news that I’m typically a sad and lonely guy. But lately, I’ve had a new mindset of getting over it. Like how an alcohol needs to give up his need instead of fulfill it, I decided to isolate myself to learn how to deal on my own. 

Honestly, it wasn’t easy. I feel like people don’t care. Lately, I’ve had friends that ditch me. That only hit me up when they’re bored. That never check up on me. Like I’m only there for their entertainment purposes, but leave me as soon as there’s something else better. 

What’s worse is that I always feel used. People only hit me up when they want something. Sure, I’m always willing to help a friend. But how much of a friend are they when they only hit me up to help them with a music mix? When they want a ride? When they want a DJ for cheap or free? I try not to be paranoid about it. But it’s too obvious. I’m a nice guy and I’m always being used. I know the people that are using me aren’t doing it intentionally, but to them I’m just a whatever friend they hit up for favors. To me… they’re just people that hit me up for favors and I never can depend on them to do the same for me. 

So I decided to leave. For I don’t know how long. Though I’ve been doing my own thing here, I want to be even more alone to prove to myself I don’t need anyone. Friends are a blessing, but not a necessity. I’m hoping to kill two birds with one stone. I want to be independent. I want to stop being all emo when I don’t have anyone. And I want to gain some self respect. To stop being “too nice” and start  earning what I deserve.

I’m kind of scared. I don’t know where I’ll go or what I’ll do. Maybe try to find a few gigs for some gas or food. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone for. I guess for as long as I can survive living on the road while having enough money to get back. Could be a few days, could be a few weeks. I know it’s out of the blue, but I’m just leaving today. Packing my things and going. Hell, I probably would of left without saying a word but no one (including my family who will hopefully read this) will know I’m gone.

Do I think I’ll be missed? Of course. People really want me to DJ for them. People want a shoulder to cry on. They need rides, music mixes, etc. But as a friend? Not really. And the whole point of me leaving is to get over it. Get over that I won’t be missed and get over the fact that I already miss a lot of people that just stop hitting me up.

There’s no one to blame really. No one but myself. I have to draw the line in terms of being self dependent and having self respect.

There’s no bitterness to leaving though. I mean, I probably won’t even be gone for too long. I don’t think I’ll survive more than a month out there if not less. But a month alone should be more than enough time to figure things out. 

For the last time, I’d like to apologize for the things that I don’t have to do. For not doing those things you ask me to do. For not feeling that seeing you happy is good enough. For feeling used. For not DJing for you, or making you that mix, or picking you up, or being there for you when your boyfriend/girlfriend makes you cry. Most of all, I apologize for no longer wanting to be a “nice guy.” 

Every party I DJ at, I usually throw in a 90’s mix. Some of these are songs I mix all the time, some are new to my playlist.

Even though I was born in 1990, this is all music that I discovered just a few years ago. I’m not trying to act like a 90’s purist. All these songs came out before I was 10. I didn’t listen to music at that age. And if I did, I probably wouldn’t be bumping Naughty By Nature. These are some of my favorite tracks to play at parties.

<3 Left Eye 

ryandelacruz:

8bitchick:

disillusionsofgrandeur:

Actual gpoy.

Same. With guys and girls. 

i love the office

I have so many best female friends!

mattsteez:

Well i apologize for my disrespectful behavior towards you. Investigating your life on my outlook towards what you had in the past wasn’t right. Obviously we do get fed up with annoyance, and such. But, such things can just happen one step at a time. I understand where you come from, and overcoming a relationship is hard i get that. But, once you realize that its over, its basically over and you want to get back with her just over jealousy. Thats at that point where you should know when to move on from that, and make yourself happy. Getting into your Ex’s business was never the right choice, and for you its been common. The reasoning for my talking out of my mouth to make you mad was because of the Non Stop visiting her at lunch, giving her Ish, and making her cry. Whats the point of that? What about calling her multiple times to find out the truth about something? Nothing. All we are causing is more shit on our plate that we both dont want to deal with. Personally, from now im not going to Ranting about this problem, and ill certainly respect where you come from, lets just face it. If i stop my bullshit, i expect for you to stop as well. Then forward, i will stop my disrespect, talking shit, and therefore on. As right now as i can see it, I realize what ive been doing, causing more problems for myself, and on others. Matt Steen, im sorry for disrespecting you in the first place.

Bryan, you do not get to apologize, two days ago you have the nerve to open your mouth, and now you’re wanting to say sorry? Are you kidding me? Just because you read my Xanga, you think you know me? Bryan the war was already started and you’re backing down like a little pussy. You are nothing but a whimp, if you were a real man you’d come up to me in person and apologize to my face, not on tumblr. You do not have the right to tell me how to live my life and who I should get over. You and Kim have been together for what less than a month? Did she ever tell you about the times she slept on the phone with me while you guys were “talking” and the time we webcammed while you were away from school? If she did then I bow down to you, cause you got her to tell you the truth, when she did nothing but go out with 3 of my homies while we were together. She wont change, and neither will you. She is and always will be a flirt. Oh what, you gonna catch my fade cause I’m talking about your girl? I’ve been with her longer than you’ve been in high school, and I will know her more than you ever will. Bryan she’s just using you, lol. This is nothing but a phase to her, she’ll move to Vegas and get over you in a heartbeat. Say whatever you want, and do whatever you have to do, thatyou think is right, but apology not accepted and I will never respect you again Bryan Miranda.

And by the way, I don’t want to be back with her, I want her to be with anyone other than you. You do not deserve her.

fwapjack:

If you’re going to college, you might as well get straight A’s. You’re wasting all that tuition money, if you don’t. Even if you have scholarships/Cal vet you still have to pay for gas (if you’re commuting) and pay for your books. You know?

My advice: Get your money’s worth and get straight A’s.

I agree that you’re wasting money if you don’t use and apply all that information. That’s why I dropped out. I personally don’t see 90% of the information they teach you being used in the real world. It’s great that you have high standards, but in the end it’s really about a diploma.  

Just randomly ran into him. I never really had a conversation with him like that before. But he apologized to me about the drama that I had to deal with between you guys. He recognized how I was always there for you, yet you never paid attention to me. How I was thrown in 2nd. He appreciated me for being there to pick up the pieces while all he got was the praise. He acknowledged the fact that it must of been hard to be “just the friend.”

He told me I was a great guy, and that if you didn’t see that, then I deserved better. 

I mean, it’s all in the past now and I don’t care much for it, but to hear that from him means a lot (no homo). I always feel like I do everything, get nothing in return, and then get thrown aside. It makes me feel like trying to be “good” means nothing. But those words gave me a bit of hope. 

The only reason why I’m writing about this “personal” situation is because I know there’s going to be a few girls that’ll wonder if it’s directed at them. But if you know me, you know this could be a handful of people. Same situation with different names.

Total stats for today:

8 downloads
2 favorites
220+ notes on tumblr.
Over 1k plays and counting.

All on top of the 200+ likes I got on my facebook page all this week.

I’d like to thank all my friends for the support and help for getting me out there. And though I feel like I’m getting ahead of myself, I’d like to thank all the fans that liked it or reblogged it. 

I do realize that this is nothing in comparison so what other people have accomplished in the same amount of time. I’m no where near a great DJ, nor am I near the stages of being famous (not even by tumblr status). This is all nothing, and I am nothing in comparison to others. However…

I realize that this is just the beginning. This is just a minor step in what I hope to become. I want to continue getting better and learning and becoming something. I know that I have to work everyday and keep doing my best in order to where I want to really be. I have to remember to stay humble and stay hungry. 

But despite what I just said, I really don’t feel like I’ve ever worked a day in my life nor will I have to. They say if you do what you love, you’ll never have to work a day in your life. And though some days may feel rough, in the end I remember what I’m working towards. I remember what I love. So in the end it’s all worth it. Even if in 3 years I’m not longer involved with music, I can look back and say I was doing what I loved.

It’s really an honor to have friends that are willing to help me out even if it’s just a small reblog or post. It makes all the difference. And I feel just as honored when strangers click that “like” button or even reblog it themselves. It’s kind of overwhelming. Not too often in my life have I had complete strangers show any interest in what I do. So to even have 50 post or 100 plays is amazing to me. I just hope I can keep doing my best and keep doing what I love.

mattsteez:

Dj Sir Julius - Swangin 2012
http://www.facebook/com/djsirjulius

Song List:
Ester Dean - Drop It Low
Jr Jarris - Get It Drop ft. Billyuhnaire & Lady Caramel
Cali Swag District - She Gettin It ft. E-40
Tyga - Faded ft. Lil Wayne
New Boyz - FMS
Travis Porter - Ayy Ladies ft. Tyga
Ying Yang Twins - Boomerang
LoveRance - Up (Beat It Up)
E-40 - My Shit Bang
Tyga - Make It Nasty

Thanks everyone for the support and love. Let’s keep those likes and reblogs coming! 

mattsteez:

My friend’s been a Dj for almost 2 years now. He’s a really good Dj, he does parties from 1’st birthday parties to debuts to weddings, even school events. Right now he’s in the process of making a Facebook page, and it would definitely help out the business if there were more likes. If you guys…

Thanks everyone! Much love to all the supporters!